I am starting to get used to the routine of working in the clinic, eating nshima for lunch, and smashing spiders in the meantime. I have gotten over most the anxieties of working with a language barrier and using different standards of medical care than in the US. Despite the monstrous spiders, thumb-sized cockroaches, and ants of various sizes, things are really going well for my first full week here at Riverside!
But of course I’m not here to write you a fantasy novel of my time here in Zambia. I realized today that I feel like I’m simply on a short-term mission trip, and that I should be returning home very soon. I guess I’m backtracking in a way from my first blog post upon arrival. I admit I was high off new sights, smells, and experiences; everything seemed to have an added allure simply because it was new to me. The truth is Riverside does not feel like home yet. I did not like nshima the first time I ate it and I thought the relish was wayyyy too salty. These cockroaches are the absolute worst. I’ve really never screamed so loudly at the sight of a bug (Did I mention they are the size of my thumb?). I cry when I think about my dog. I’m crying right now just writing it and I can barely see through the blur of tears in order to type. I have literally started to miss going to classes (WHAT).
BUT… to go against the grain of my usual thought process, I will pull something positive out of this. Riverside isn’t like my home in Georgia, but it was never meant to be the same. If God flew me 8,000 miles away from my home and planted me in a place that felt like I’d never left Calhoun, I’d be really disappointed. But God never disappoints! He knows what He’s doing. More specifically, He knew I needed to be so far out of my comfort zone that it’d be revealed to me that there is no better option than to run to Him.
I recently started reading Love Does by Bob Goff. There is a chapter in the book that made me realize something that I’ve been neglecting to ponder in my walk with God. In Chapter 13, Bob tells a story about the game Bigger and Better. In the game you start with a dime and you walk door to door asking people if they’d be willing to trade you something bigger in exchange for the dime. The aim of the game is see who can bring back the biggest and best item by trading up at every doorstep. Bob compares that to the sacrifice that we have to make in order to accept the bigger and better life that God has to offer to us. The take home point that he makes is that we, as humans, think we are sacrificing something to follow Him, but in the end we’re trading up big time! God is asking us to trade in our miniscule and seemingly insignificant lives to live with Him in the light eternally.
Sitting there in shock after realizing the clearly apparent promise that God has already made known to me, another thought came to my mind. Maybe… just maybe, Riverside is my trade up in disguise. In my narrowed-minded view of what “home” really is, I have neglected to consider that Riverside, although not air conditioned and lacking in the often dreamt-of junk food, could very well be the closest I’ve come to living in God’s light. Could this year be my trade up to being one switch closer to the life plans that God has for me?
As for right now though, I'm still holding onto my "dime" thinking it's better than what God has in store for me. I’m definitely anticipating the homesickness to really set in during these next couple of weeks. Pray for me. Pray for my relationship with God to be strengthened. Although I may have sounded rather enlightened in the paragraphs above, I am still feeling so lost in my walk with God and quite anxious about how I’m going to survive these next 9 months.
Thanks for reading <333
Comments