I’ve expressed to some of my family and close friends that I feel like my life is on hold; that I’m just waiting this year out to be able to go back to the states to continue on with my life. It feels like my time here is a transplant that my body is getting ready to reject. Being in Zambia feels extraneous and unrelated to the rest of my life most days. I think back to my life in the US and of the comfort that I miss so dearly. I miss doing what I know; going to school, living semester to semester, working towards my degree, surrounding myself with the familiar, reliable people I love. At the same time, thinking about going back, being the same person, and going on with the same life that I had before definitely causes my shoulders to slump with dissatisfaction.
I’m finally in a place with my relationship with God that I understand and trust that His plan has only the best in store for my life. I have faith in that. However, there is still the part of me that so desperately longs for comfort and familiarity. Additionally, I am also very aware that I am, nor is any other follower of Christ, called to feel comfortable; that being in a place of comfort and familiarity will never lead me to the light that I crave and that comes only from God. As a result, dare I say, I think I crave to be uncomfortable?? My foolish surface-level thinking assumes that comfort will bring happiness but deep down I know that what I really want is passion, fulfillment, and joy in everyday life. The more I try to study God’s word, Ellen White’s writings, and other books on the topic, the more I am reminded that the only way to true, genuine joy is through God. Comfort is in no way a part of the deal. And no matter how badly my selfish nature wants to resist admitting, the best way to experience and receive that joy is by service to others and treating every person as if they were Jesus Christ Himself. To wake up each day and try as hard as I can to show every person I interact with a glimpse of His character. The ultimate goal is to constantly keep myself aimed at showing as much kindness, compassion, and love to those around me, even when I definitely don't feel like it. That is SUCH A HARD THING to do!!
Recently I’ve been really putting extra effort into my prayer life because, as you can imagine, loving every person as if they’re Jesus is not going to happen passively. I’ve had a prayer journal for little over a year now that has helped tremendously to focus my mind and keep record of my prayers. But lately, it just hasn’t been the same. It’s almost like my journal was my baby steps to my big adult prayer life, and now God’s telling me it’s time to switch it up. Where I am now is trying to figure out my new prayer life for this new phase of life. I tend to get easily distracted with big ideas of what my prayer life should be, and I forget the simple, tried and true things. For example, I’ve never been very good at remembering to pray before eating, so I’m implementing that more even if the meal I’m about to eat is my morning corn flakes. I also thought back to when I was a little girl and prayed with my parents every night before bedtime. I thought for a long, hard time to try to remember the last time I did that and ???? No idea. So of course I will be adding that as well.
If there are any other suggestions as to how you make your prayer life more vibrant, meaningful and more incorporated into your daily life, a comment or message would be greatly appreciated!
Thanks for reading :)
